The Thief and the Whore
by Personification of Fluff
Summary: Au, InaraMal: a look at Mal's feelings for Inara and why he always needs to fight with her. Just a fluffy little one shot.


**Title**: "The Thief and the Whore"

**Rating:** PG, for Mal's language

**Dislcaimer: **Yes, I am Joss Whedon. I am a man. I own Firefly. I also own Pluto. And you know what? When I get a cat, I'm going to name him Pluto just so that I can say that one of those things is true and I'm not a _total_ liar.

**Summary/AN:** I watched three hours of Firefly with my roommate and my neighboor and then felt compelled to write an Inara/Mal fic... just because I could. This is the response. There isn't really a plot, but the events are supposed to take place between 'Shinding' and 'Safe'. As 'Safe' is the last episode I've seen, I don't know if it's ever explained how Inara and Mal met. If it does, I apologize for jumping the gun. The author's goal, however, was to try and capture the nature of their relationship, Mal's unique nature (and Nathan Fillion's unique way of portraying Sarah's beloved Captain Tightpants), and the language of Firefly. I love how Nathan Fillion can take bad grammar and still make it sound smart!

And somehow I got into a bit of 'Ten Things I Hate About You' mindset...

Ah well. I hope you like it! Here's looking at you, Sarah!

**Re-edit**: After getting Sarah to proofread it, she has told me that it will explain how they met, and therefor, the stamp of Sarah has labelled this fanfic as AU.

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_The Thief and the Whore_

I remember when I met her.

Now maybe my memory's gone and gotten all a little fuzzy from eight months ago, but I don't quite recall what the precise events of our meetin' were. All I can remember is seeing her. Inara was beautiful; like a goddamn vision.

Inara always looks beautiful. I think that's the first rule of being a Companion: look yer best. She always does. There ain't nothin' sexual in the way that she moves or walks or speaks. Naw, it's all upper class, and eloquent and graceful an' such. But as soon as I saw her, I knew that I wanted her.

No, I didn't fall in love with her at first sight. This ain't no fairy tale. I'm a brown coat; always will be. We don't believe in fairy tales. I didn't love her; I hated her.

I hated her for looking so presentable when I had patches on my brown coat and engine grease stuck under my nails. I hated her for smelling so good when I couldn't wash the smell of Serenity's coolant leak from my hair. I hated her for fixin' up the shuttle real pretty like compared to the prison cell it was when it was my own. I hated her for the way her chest moved when she breathed, the way her eyes were all doe-like, and I hated her for her job.

I hated that other men saw her and could afford her; I hated that other men could buy her period, as if she were a Firefly herself than anyone could board with enough coin. That wasn't right. I hate…

"Going off planet again so soon?" I asked Inara, watching her open the door to the shuttle. She stopped at the sound of my voice and I smirked a little. I didn't pay for Inara and I had such a way with her that I could make her stop. She passed by other men without a second glance, but my voice could make her stop. I pushed the smile away quickly and gestured down the hall to Kaylee's room. "Are you sure you don't want to give Kaylee a little brushing up? With the way she's going after the doctor, I'm sure the cute little wrench monkey could use something to get the knots out."

She turned to see me, still half-facing her door. "I believe you made your feelings known about me fraternizing the crew quite clear the first time you found me brushing Kaylee's hair, Captain."

"Well now… I also thought that I made my feelings quite clear about your little expeditions too, but that didn't stop you from finding work on the last world, now did it?" Inara's eyes didn't really narrow; they have to stay wide and large so that you can fancy that there's no venom in that perfect little body o'hers. I could see the venom, though. I put on an innocent face and looked back at Kaylee's room. "Of course, if you started charging Kaylee for bein' her personal groomer, then you might not have to go planetside."

"And stay here in Serenity and never touch ground again. I'd bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Captain?"

Yes. I mean, no! No. Yeah, I like no better.

"No, then you'd always be under foot and we'd see more of each other. Then these cute little flirtations you always have with me that the rest of the crew calls fights would grow tiresome."

"I already find them such."

She turned to go back into the shuttle. "You know, if I recall correctly, this here's planet the same one that you went to Whore Academy on. If you wanted to go visit the old place, we could swing around for you to that side of the planet."

At the word whore her cheeks flared red. It made her red, painted lips look all the more inviting. I love it when she goes all red with frustration. Inara glared back at me. "I think that the training I got at the _whore_ Academy included flying shuttles, Captain. I'll be just fine, thank you for your concern," she added curtly, slamming the door shut.

I stood alone in the hallway, wonderin' if the others heard that conversation. "I ain't _concerned_," I said casually, trying to throw them off if they had.

I don't particularly care if it's wrong to call Inara a whore or not; a whore she is, after all, so why can't I call her by what she is? I do it to make her go red. I _hate_ how she goes red, as if she's all modest that she sleeps with men for money. I hate how she really is modest. I hate that more than if her blush was a lie. If it was a lie, then Inara'd be a liar. It ain't like there haven't been liars on Serenity before, myself being an ardent one at times. But her blush is honest an' that means that she is _ashamed_ of being called a whore.

Now, I don't blush when people call me a thief, a pirate, or a smuggler. I may get pissed, I may throw some punches and go and break some feller's jaw, but I don't _blush_. I'm not ashamed of being called a thief or a smuggler because that's what I am and I am a proud of it. I love my job. I love it when people call me a thief, providin' it's under the right circumstances. Thief. It sounds all righteous. Thief.

But Inara blushed. She don't like being a whore. She don't like being called one, and that puzzles me. If she doesn't like being called a whore, then why does she do it? Hm? Why not just quit? Why not just settle down with one man on some nice planet? She's rich. She could just fly 'round on Serenity permanently without taking jobs when we land. I wouldn't mind.

Why does she do it?

I don't hate Inara.

I hate that I don't understand her. I get the others. I even get the bloody medic and the girl, and he's got no emotion and is socially challenged while the girl's mind is all fuzzy, but I still _get_ them. I don't _get_ Inara.

I hate that she's always right, because I am concerned about her.

I hate that I feel for her, that I'm such a pushover around her, that I lose these arguments, that I have to defend myself, that I can't get into my own shuttle without gettin' into an argument with her, that I try to get her to like me in every way I can think of and nothing makes her…

I hate that I don't know how to finish that there thought.

So I don't finish it. I let it slide from my mind.

There are other crew members. I'll go antagonize one of them until I'm cooled off.


End file.
